I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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