no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize