Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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