so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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