I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
