and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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