anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize