Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
