If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
