we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
