I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
