you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
