also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
