I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
