you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
