And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
well you can't waste a boner
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
