life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
