Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
