Kareoke will never be a sober sport
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
