the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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