I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just want nice things and good sex
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
