Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
