He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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