Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
