There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize