You just made me feel so damn special
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
