Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
His hands were made for my vagina.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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