this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
