oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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