No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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