How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
