This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Houston, we have a blender
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
