bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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