I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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