dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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