i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
