I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
