Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
