...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
3pm strippers are depressing
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
