I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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