let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
