R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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