Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
