my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
