I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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