My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
