He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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