you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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