Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
