We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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