My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
