He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
