That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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