just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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