i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
