maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
