you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
