I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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