Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
