I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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