I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
