I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
