HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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