i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
