We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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