I need help removing her.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
