so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
